dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
