piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Less talking, more tequila
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
