If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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