Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
