Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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