Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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