He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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