The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
