i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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