he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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