I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
