I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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