Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
