I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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