Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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