If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
