He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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