Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
