Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
