She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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