GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
