this boner is exhausting
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize