im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
