speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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