that's an acceptable place to lick
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize