That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
