Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
