How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
