I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
