How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
