I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize