How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
