4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Screwed.edu
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
