Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
