This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
