well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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