someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
