"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
