Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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