we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
