I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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