Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
40s are totally the cure
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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