areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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