i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
