I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
