I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
