im drinking this country out of the recession.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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