I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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