So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
