Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
