I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
