It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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