No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
