There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
