i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
