In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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