I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
