i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
