i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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