You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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