Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it hurts more in the daytime
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
