i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
