dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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