i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
