if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
