I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
