discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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