i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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