i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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