I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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