I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
