I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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