Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize