Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
