If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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