I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
