We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
