you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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