I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
